> May 2010 <
iPhone Apps: The Best, the Worst, the Weirdest!
What makes a good iPhone App? I suspect that the answer is totally different for every user, dependent on whether you use your phone for business, personal or a mix of both. Now with well over 50,000 active apps available for download, there are, as you would imagine, the good, the bad and the downright ugly! Following are my top 5 apps in 3 categories - the best, the worst and the weirdest.
5 OF THE BEST
1. Shazam
Ever been driving along, listening to the radio, wondering who is performing the song, then being driven crazy as the track isn’t back announced? Wonder no longer!
With Shazam you can identify music tracks, buy them, and share the tags with friends. Shazam’s accuracy is nothing short of astonishing. Just point your iPhone toward any recorded music, press the Tag button, and after a brief pause, Shazam identifies the song, then presents you with info about it, its lyrics, the artist, related videos, and more.
You can photo-identify your tags, buy the tune directly from iTunes - everything except going on a bender with the band after the gig! This was one of my first downloads and I use it regularly.
2. Kindle for iPhone
Personally, I still prefer the “old school” method of picking up an actual book to read, however, Kindle for the iPhone is a great alternative.
While Stanza (recently bought by Amazon) is arguably a more feature-filled ebook reader, I prefer Kindle because of its effective simplicity and Amazon’s recently upgraded and iPhonified Kindle Store, with nearly 300,000 instantly downloadable books.
While you might think that an iPhone or iPod touch’s small screen wouldn’t offer a satisfactory reading experience, I’ve found it to be more than satisfactory - and also discovered that having a book-filled iPhone available at all times is a great boredom-banishing convenience.
Now If only I could find the time to read more...
3. LogMeIn Ignition
Who hasn’t struggled to help a new co-worker, friend, or family member over the phone? Telephonic troubleshooting sucks.
With LogMeIn Ignition, your iPhone becomes your trusted troubleshooting partner. You simply take remote control of another computer (as long as it has a LogMeIn client installed) and work your will with it. Not only can you help others, but you’ll also have always-on access to your own computers.
LogMeIn Ignition is pricey for an iPhone app and requires a LogMeIn account, but that’s a small price to pay for becoming an IT god!
4. ATM Hunter
I love this app! We’ve all been in a situation where we have found ourselves without cash when required, finally an iPhone solution. I rarely, if ever, carry cash around with me. I really should because I’d probably spend less if my card wasn’t so accessible, but that’s a topic for my mother to lecture me about at another time. The ATM Hunter allows you to locate the nearest ATM no matter where they are in the world.
The best part is that it lets users customize the search to their needs as well like searching for specific bank ATMs to avoid cash withdrawal fees. Woo hoo, take that banks!
5. Urban Spoon
When I first heard about this App, I thought, “Hah, fun gimmick!”, but once I downloaded it and used it a few times, I’ve found that it is actual a great, handy app to have loaded. Urbanspoon is part Magic 8 Ball, part slot machine. You shake your phone and it finds a good nearby restaurant for you, with map, address and contact details. You can preset your location (or allow the iPhone to locate you), the cuisine type and also preset your budget. Not happy with the first result? Keep shaking it until it comes back with something you want to try. You can also read the chosen restaurant reviews uploaded by previous diners and once you are finished eating, upload your own. This App is particularly great if you find yourself in another country (or suburb) for the first time and have no idea where the great restaurants are.
5 OF THE WORST
1. Rate a Fart 2.0
Apparently, there are more than 25 fart apps available for download. Twenty-five!! Why? I could understand if most iPhone users were between the ages of 8-14 – farts and other bodily functions are hysterical at that age – but I know a 30-something who thinks this is the best app ever (no, not me!). At least use a whoopie-cushion (Yes, there is also an App for this!). At least that requires some effort.
They say: “We are confident that this is the best fart app available on the app store to date.” OK, I’ll take your word for it..."Best fart app”? Talk about damning with faint praise. Rate a Fart, though, is a highly versatile gas-manager: relish a library of over 700 farts, then record and upload you own farts and share ‘em with your friends. Web 2.0 meets intestinal discord.
2. iPickupLines
They say: “Next time you are at a bar with like-minded singles or see a girl you wouldn’t mind dating simply break out iPickupLines and let the laughs begin!”
Take this app out when on the make, and the aforementioned laughs will be at you, not with you. Examples of suggested pickup lines include: “If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!” “If you were a booger I’d pick you first.” “Baby you’re like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all of my problems.” And, of course, in the flatulent iPhone tradition, “Do you mind if I hang out here until it’s safe back where I farted?” NEXT!
3. CalmCandle
My paragon of stupidity is merely a %$#@!ing video of a %$#@!ing candle. Yes, it’s calm. And yes, it’s a candle. But that’s it. That’s all.
Okay, so it “WILL slowly shrink over time,”(kinda like my patience for stupid Apps) but that’s the entire extent of the tricks this “candle flame app for you” can perform, for five bucks.
They say: “Whether you want to just sit quietly and meditate on the flame, or just load up an alternative screensaver to keep your device looking interesting, this is the candle flame app for you.” This suggests that there may be more than one? Although to be fair, I did once download the iZippo Lighter equivalent...
4. Hold Button
I’m almost hesitant to put this one in the Worst category. It’s a ridiculous idea, but a part of me is tempted to see how long I could hold it.
But then I think what’s the point? I’m just a schmuck holding a stupid button. What do I win? Nothing. I’m just a guy who got duped into holding a damn button. Still...
5. That’s What She Said
I find it incredibly annoying when someone interrupts a conversation with “That’s what she said!” (maybe I’m just getting old) The first time it might be funny, but the third, fourth and fifth only make me want to slap you. The fact that there is now an iPhone app that allows you to annoy people with this stupid phrase blows my mind (and makes me want to slap the developers too).
I can see the appeal. You’re in the middle of a meeting and your boss sets you up, but you don’t want to be caught saying TWSS. So you press the button and now everyone is giggling, except your boss, who is wondering who said it. Oh yeah, it’s the jackass with the iPhone in his hand. Good luck in the hunt for your next job!
5 OF THE WEIRDEST
1. SoftServe Poop Machine
They say: “Created especially for all you fans of iFart and the dozens of other fart and poop apps on the app store. Did we say Chocolate Fudge? Mmmm!”
Really, what exactly can you say about an app such as SoftServe Poop Machine? That its controls for curvature, length, and thickness allow you to create an inspiringly aesthetic digital dump?
How about, instead, we simply shout for professional help: “Dr. Freud! Dr. Freud! Calling Dr. Freud!”
2. iKissMe
This app is so disturbingly stupid that I hope it’s merely a put-on. But I fear it’s not. Dial your preferred kiss type, and iKissMe will reward you with a kiss sound effect when you, yes, kiss your beloved iPhone.
The developer’s description, “iKissMe is a great way to practice your kissing skills, or just to bring you up when you’re feeling down. No matter what your love life brings to the table, you will have a big soft pair of lips to kiss whenever you want!”
My heart goes out to anyone who finds succor in this app.
3. Wedding Proposer
Let’s face it, you can never really know if she’ll say “yes”; and then, what to do if she actually does agree. Then there’s "The Ring" ... how do you even begin to decide? Maybe kneeling is best, go traditional, but she’s a modern woman, so you should probably ask "The Question" at eye level. Despite all the uncertainties, let’s state the universal truth: You’d like to be unique without being pathetic ...
So here’s the solution. The most unique and original answer to your potential proposal questions (or just an exceptional pick-up strategy at the bar). Maybe you’re thinking of taking the plunge, even planning it...so here it is, practice it on a friend, or do it for real and propose to her, The One, with a smile.
4. SimStapler
The hardest decision with this App is, where do I put it? Worst, Weirdest or, do I start another list of the 5 stupidest? Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!
SimCity and The Sims are two really popular games. I guess the developer behind this one thought that building and running your own city was too much. SimStapler lets you simulate, well what else, stapling.
You may now “ooh” and “ahh.”
5. The Mulletizer
This app offers you more than one mullet style to choose from. Take your pick among the MacGyver, the Hockey Head, the Kentucky Waterfall, and the Canadian Passport, to name a few. Why you’d want to, I don’t know.
Quickly mullet-ize your friends, coworkers and family, all in seconds letting them see how much better they would look if they were graced with a sexy mullet.
For Fans of:
Monster Truck Rallies, Quiet Riot, WhiteSnake, and trailer home living.
Well, that’s my list, based on my own personal criteria. I’d be curious to hear your top 5 in all categories!
Paul McInnes
Admark Sydney